The Grieving Atheist

“What’s the name of your blog again?” my husband asked.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because I can try to help you with your page views by seeing what comes up on Google searches.”

“Why do I care how many people see my blog? There aren’t any ads. I’m not selling anything.”

“Whatever. I was just trying to help.”

Sigh. So here I am with my cup of steamy tea and my lingering bronchitis. A toast, then, to the seemingly insignificant tensions between co-habitating humans.

If this is a therapeutic endeavor, which it clearly is, then why make it public in the first place? Good question, Laura. Why thank you, Laura. I guess the first reason is it helps get the feelings farther away from me. I’m not sure a private blog would help me distance myself from these thoughts as effectively, like crying into a cup versus crying into the ocean. I want the words to disperse and get lost in a sea of a billion others.

Secondly, grief can be a very isolating experience. If roughly 150,000 people die each day around the world, then there are a helluva lot of mourners walking around, but where are they? You never see them. When you buy a car, you suddenly notice just how many people drive that same car. When you’re pregnant, you notice every pregnant woman in your community. But when you’re grieving, you don’t see anyone walking around grieving. Sometimes their procession keeps you from getting through the intersection. They huddle in groups in the smallest room at the local church once a month. They go online, but not as many as you would think, and if they’re not religious, you really won’t find too many around. A handful of message boards and Facebook groups. Not many. Not enough. But I’m here.

And finally, there’s that tiniest little possibility that it could help someone not grieving. If you read this and go hug your mom or tell someone you love them. If you get a colonoscopy (Which you MUST DO. Don’t tell me it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. The things that happen to you if you don’t get a colonoscopy are FAR more inconvenient and uncomfortable. Believe me.) If it shows you that atheists are normal people who love just as much as believers do. If it inspires you to find your happy place and visit it often. If you maybe decide to donate to an organization, any organization (Just not the pet adoption place in upstate, New York, because my mother in law has them covered). Then why not go public? No harm in it that I can see. But I still don’t think there’s any point in trying to optimize page views. Like I said, I’m not selling anything, including me.

But I will thank my husband for offering to help. He may not know what I need, but at least he’s trying.