The Grieving Atheist

I can’t get over wishing my mom had known certain things before she died. I wish she’d known my power was out for 5 hours the day before she died so I wasn’t able to email her. I wish she’d known my phone also died that week, so I wasn’t able to return her message asking how to re-heat the breakfast sandwiches I’d made her. I wish she’d known I emailed her to tell her I miss her the morning she died. I wish she’d known how much I appreciated everything she did for me. I told her often, but I couldn’t have said it enough times. I wish I’d told her we were going to pay her back for the hotel stay in New York with the money from my husband’s advance. I wish I could tell her I was down that week, really depressed, and that’s why I didn’t call her back on Tuesday. I didn’t want to bring her down. I wish she’d known I called to ask about her and told Dad to call for an ambulance. I just wish I could say ten thousand more thank you’s and I love you’s.