Seeing as it’s the time for renewal, I’m ignoring all my saved drafts and writing fresh. There was some good stuff in there, I think, but let’s face it, the next great American novel won’t be written on a Blackberry (or discuss atheism, for that matter). I go over it time and again, the value of things. The value of words, documents, jewelry, keepsakes. I’m not a keeper. So, renewal it is.
Spring came yesterday. Yes, just like that. Okay, well the willows had been threatening to do something for weeks, but needed permission from the the forsythia, the cowards. Not to be outdone, the grass turned vibrant, along with the magnolias, always a limelight stealer. And all just yesterday.
As I’ve mentioned before, the whole business makes me uneasy, but children seem to enjoy it, so I took mine outside. My son picked flowers.
And gave them to a dead fish, which is just… whatever it is. A nice gesture.
And I photographed it, which makes me the strange one.
And then I came home and watched one of our douchebag neighbors’ douchebag party guests deliberately spit on my kid’s sidewalk chalk drawing and I got really, really, really angry. Overcompensating pessimist that I am, I decided to go for a run and use that energy for good. I’ve read that running helps you be in the moment or some shit like that. Not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. I don’t know. I guess? For me, it’s not a matter of time but place. When I run, I feel like I’m everywhere. That’s what motion does for me. Driving, kayaking, running. I could be anywhere, just dancing across the earth. Because you could be, couldn’t you? If you ran far enough, drove far enough, you could be just about anywhere, with some swimming thrown in. If you didn’t stop? And the stopping is a choice. I didn’t used to feel that way. I didn’t used to think I could run for more than a few feet, that my body wouldn’t let me. Now I know that I can. Not quickly, mind you, and without any grace whatsoever. No, it’s an ugly, ugly run. But it stops when I say so. It’s a choice my brain makes, not my body. So yeah, I could go anywhere. I make the choice and stop. And if I stop, then I’m committing, temporarily, to being here. In this place. To make the best of it.
So here I am. This morning I said to my daughter, just for the hell of it, “It’s going to be a good day, don’t you think? I think so.” Because why not? And then it wasn’t, or hasn’t yet been. Really awful, actually. Screw you, The Secret. (I didn’t actually read that book, by the way, and still feel qualified to say it’s a load of shit.)
But, it’s been a great day for my friend, who posted this on Facebook…
“My God knows my love for numbers – this on 41414.”
Yep. God did that. God made my friend drive around for 99,999 miles just to get to this place on this very day with the funny alignment of numbers on our man-made calendar just to please her. He’s such an awesome god. I’m so glad he minds the details like that. I feel so cared for, don’t you?
Live and let live, Laura. It makes her happy. Shut up and let it go. Renewal! Renewal! HE IS RISEN!!!
And by that, I mean my young son, just up from his nap. So goodbye for now, internet.